Alley Cat (1984)

Director: Edward Victor
Star: Karin Mani

Something happened early on in Alley Cat that I missed because I was too busy buying pizza to be on time. Whatever it was it had to do with a bunch of moron gangbangers getting their asses kicked by a girl. In response they promptly act like real tough guys and knife her grandma. Yes, this is a revenge film, made a little late for the genre in 1984 by three guys conglomerating together under the name of Edward Victor, but it does have fun, throwing out lines like, 'You've got it too! I've got the clap!' to accompany bouncy shots of the naked clap girl leaping off the bed at the camera.

Our lead moron gangbanger is William Krug, aka Scarface, always a popular name for young idiots. His associates that aren't important enough to have cool nicknames are called things like Dave and Vernon and seem like the prototype for the hyenas in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. But the cops don't really care about punks like this. They care more about girls like Billie, who gets on the right side of one cop by slamming a door in his face and on the wrong side of another by stopping a rape. She gets arrested for trespassing, carrying a concealed weapon and discharging it within the city limits. Because you know, you have to stop these people who stop crimes.

As Mr Strickland, a District Attorney who looks more like a high school senior says, 'Don't mess with girls in the park. It's not nice!' Well Billie is rather a nice person. When she kicks Scarface in the testicles and knocks him off a building, she's polite enough to scream at him something as abusive as, 'I've decided you're not a very nice person!'

But that's about all I have to say because for some reason I didn't write many notes and that's all I can remember. I suck.