Cupcake: A Zombie Lesbian Musical (2010)

Director: Rebecca Thomson
Stars: Anna Kidd, Rose Mastroianni, Helen Edwards and Pip Tyrrell

This film was an official selection at the 6th annual International Horror & Sci-Fi Film Festival in Tempe in 2010. Here's an index to my reviews of 2010 films.

While the news reporter tells us about the inevitable corpses rising from the grave, Agnes just carries on baking. She looks like a nice old white haired granny who wouldn't hurt a fly, but she can take care of the vast undead hordes fine, with a pitchfork no less, all while chatting away with Mauva, her similarly elderly neighbour. They don't have a problem with the living dead, just the lesbians living next door. And here we break into song for, as the title suggests, this is a musical, but not just any musical. These songs are the sort of songs that could only be more glorious if you put the soundtrack on an iPod and they popped up on shuffle in the car while you're giving the vicar a lift. These old ladies remain all sweetness and light as they sing Zombies and Lesbians with its chorus of 'we'd rather have zombies than lezzos next door.' Rebecca Thomson wrote the lyrics to music by Heath Brown, who also scored El Monstro del Mar! and Dish Communication.

The lezzos being sung about are Cupcake and Dayna and they're a happy couple who sing songs themselves, joyous numbers with lyrics like 'no penis will ever come between us'. Unfortunately things go south just as they're about to get down and dirty and, given that the next song is called My Girlfriend Ate My Pussy - Literally!, it doesn't take a whole heck of a lot of guesswork to realise quite how. To say this is original is something of an understatement, even in a world where every other short genre film seems to be a musical with some sort of classic horror monster in it. There is a Repo! The Genetic Opera vibe, especially as Dayna tries to turn into Alexa Vega at one point, but there's not much else to reference. How many times have you seen a zombie slain with a vibrator shaped like a corn cob? The most surprising thing is that it doesn't seem to do a lot of good, but that just means he can carry on regardless for the rest of the short which is even better.

The dialogue is just as joyous as the song lyrics, the last one being a drag queen zombie number called Zombie Pride with its rousing theme of 'we're zombie, lezzo and proud'. It's spread liberally around the cast so everyone gets a shot. 'Come and eat me, baby,' invites Dayna from behind a blindfold, not realising that it might be taken literally. That may have been a punchline in half the slasher movies the eighties churned out but I can't recall ever seeing a picture actually delivering the goods before. 'One down and one to go,' says Agnes, when the number of living local lezzos is halved. 'Let's a have a barbecue to celebrate.' Once Dayna is zombiefied too, she's as happy as a bearded clam. 'I don't like zombies at all,' she says, 'but at least they've cleaned up the street.' I wish I'd been on that street while they filmed. If there's anything better than watching a musical about zombie lesbians, it's surely filming a musical about zombie lesbians. It must have been a riot.